Cliff Lee Has Been Awful...

Michael Kay and partner in stupidity Don LaGreca were talking about who are the top 3 pitchers in baseball. LaGreca brought up Cliff Lee but stated that he's been awful this year to which Michael Kay responded with...

"Awful, Absolutely Awful. One Year Wonder." Giant Forehead

Oh really Michael? Must we look simply at Wins and Losses to judge the effectiveness of a pitcher? Yes Cliff Lee is 1-5. That's bad. Yes he got off to a miserable start, giving up 7 and 4 runs respectively in his first two outings. But is it that tough to notice that in his past 5 outings Lee has pitched 37 innings and gave up just 7 runs? That equates to an ERA of 1.70 ERA. Well that's just absolutely AWFUL. He's certainly a 1 YEAR WONDER. He had two bad starts and his team ran up against the unbeatable Justin Verlander in his past two starts, dude obviously sucks.

Drops are Overrated...

"Who cares if Braylon Edwards drops passes? Drops are overrated." Cap'n Douche

Umm, I bet the quarterback and coach care. The fans probably care too. The punter probably cares cause when Braylon Edwards drops a first down catch on 3rd and 8 then he has to come on the field.

He furthered his moronity by saying who cares if Kobe Bryant misses 5 out of 10 shots you still want him on your team. Umm, .500 from the field is pretty damn good so that statement made no sense whatsoever.

He then said who cares if Soriano makes errors or if Manny can't play left field. Probably the pitcher I'm guessing. Maybe his infield coach.

Just cause you're good at one thing, doesn't mean it's OK to suck at other things.

You're Either A College Basketball Guy or an NBA Guy...

"You're Either A College Basketball Guy or an NBA Guy." Cap'n Douche

Yep no possible way you can like the NBA and College Basketball, no possible way.

I Would Never Draft a Quarterback...

"I would always get my quarterback through free agency. Granted I would miss out on the Peyton Manning's of the world but I would always get my quarterback through free agency." Cap'n Douche

Yes that's a solid choice Cap'n Douche. To see just how solid of a choice it is, let's look at who has lead their teams to the Super Bowl Title the past few seasons?

2008: Pittsburgh, Ben Roethlisburger, DRAFTED
2007: New York Giants, Eli Manning, DRAFTED
2006: Indianapolis Colts, Peyton Manning, DRAFTED
2005: Pittsburgh, Ben Roethlisburger, DRAFTED
2004: New England Patriots, Tom Brady, DRAFTED
2003: New England Patriots, Tom Brady, DRAFTED
2002: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Brad Johnson, Free Agent or Trade
2001: New England Patriots, Tom Brady, DRAFTED
2000: Baltimore Ravens, Trent Dilfer, Free Agent or Trade
1999: St. Louis Rams, Kurt Warner, Free Agent or Trade
1998: Denver Broncos, John Elway, DRAFTED
1997: Denver Broncos, John Elway, DRAFTED
1996: Green Bay Packers, Brett Favre, Free Agent or Trade
1995: Dallas Cowboys, Troy Aikman, DRAFTED
1994: San Francisco, Steve Young, Free Agent or Trade
1993: Dallas Cowboys, Troy Aikman, DRAFTED
1992: Dallas Cowboys, Troy Aikman, DRAFTED
1991: Washington Redskins, Mark Rypien, DRAFTED
1990: New York Giants, Jeff Hostetler, DRAFTED
1989: San Fransisco, Joe Montana, DRAFTED

The vast majority of Super Bowl winning QBs were garnered via the draft. Johnson and Dilfer won on the backs of their defenses. Favre and Young were acquired on the cheap after failed experiments at their previous stops and Kurt Warner was pulled out of Arena Football. No Super Bowl winner in the past 20 seasons has had a major free agent quarterback lead their team to the Super Bowl. But ya, if your team was run by Cowherd that's what you'd be looking for.

Well That Sounds Horrible...

"I Will Do a Show in My Underwear if Tyler Hansbrough ever scores 20 in an NBA game." Cap'n Douche

Even Nick Collison has scored over 20 points in multiple games. The great Nick Collison. He's similar in position, whiteness, all-americanness, title game appearanceness, and overall not goodness.

Even Tractor Traylor scored 20 points in an NBA game, once.

I bet he doesn't even hold up to his end of the bargain. Hansbrough will score 20 points at some point in time in his career. He's not that good, but even fat bastards that eat their way out of the league can score 20 points once.

ESPN Radio Match Doesn't Work

ESPN Radio has this little software tool that helps you find your radio match. Problem is it doesn't work. It gives you a sliding scale as you can see below.


I obviously picked Ignorant, Unintelligble, Clueless, Repulsive, and Tiresome fully expecting to be 100% compatible with Cap'n Douche. And yet I get this.


Lies, Horrible Lies.

Sometimes Michael Kay Is Too Stupid To Ignore

I know this is typically focusing on Cap'n Douche and Senor Sleeping Pills (nicknames are a work in progress) but sometimes Giant Forehead (Michael Kay) is just blatantly too stupid to not post about. In discussing Jason Campbell and Jay Cutler he said this doozy:

Jay Cutler and Jason Campbells numbers were almost identical. They have basically the same completion percentage and QB rating. Everythings almost identical except for Yards." Giant Forehead

AHHHHH STUPIDITY ALERT STUPIDITY ALERT. Ahhhhhhhh.

Ok ok I'm composed now. Let's take a look. Cause the numbers a ludicrously different of course.



Ok they played 16 games a piece. Yay identical. Had similar QB ratings, completion percentages, and are comparitve in both rushing the ball and fumbling. Outside of that nothing is the identical. Nothing is even close to identical.

Cutler threw 12 more touchdowns and interceptions. That's not noticeable in the comparison? The two most noticeable QB stats aren't noticeable to you? Are you blind? Or just stupid. He threw 110 more times and threw for more than 1000 yards more. How they reached the same QB rating and completion percentage couldn't have possibly come from any different paths.

Wow. Just Wow.

Historical Douchelink: Colin Cowherd Nonsensical Falsehood of the Day [Fire Joe Morgan]

BT Says Get Rid of A-Rod

Today, Tierney goes on a rant about how the Yankees should dump Arod and blah blah blah blah blah. He's a cheater. He's a headache. They haven't won with him. Etc. Etc. Etc. It's all pretty much BS. Then he lays a good one when the callers call up and said that the Yankees hold onto A-Rod because he gives them more PR and he boosts ticket sales. Somehow some way BT goes retarded.

"The Yankees were filling up the stadium well before A-Rod got there." Cap'n Sleeping Pills

False Brandon, very very very false. Let's take a look at the numbers thanks to Baseball Almanac.


See how the attendance numbers stagnated and then all of a sudden massive uptick in the year of A-Rod's acquistion and the subsequent increases each of the following seasons. Nothing to do with A-Rod obviously.

Uhhhh and then we get into really retarded arguments.

"The Yankees don't need A-Rod to win a World Series and the proof of that is the fact that they haven't won one with him here." Cap'n Sleeping Pills

Hardcore analysis right there. It hasn't happenned so it won't happen. Let's do some diligent analysis myself.

The Cubs haven't won a World Series during Alfonso Soriano's lifetime. They won't win until he dies. So quite obviously if the Cubs want to win a World Series than one of their fans must murder Soriano. Without murdering Soriano, no World Series for you.

I'm Cap'n Sleeping Pills and I Approve of this Message.

(Somewhat) Historical Douchelink: Colin Cowherd at it Again: Blog Bashing [The Big Lead]

MAX KELLERMAN IS BACK ON THE AIR!!!1!!!1!

See for yourself.

http://espnradio.espn.go.com/espnradio/index

If I Was the GM Of the Orlando Magic...

Just for good measure Cap'n Douche decided to close out his show with this.

"If I was the GM of the Orlando Magic I bring in Lebron James. If you could find a way to trade Rashard Lewis, you bring in Lebron. No state tax. Get Lebron."

"Why go to New York? I want to be a brand. [in his squeeky voice] Go to Orlando. Put the best player in the NBA with the best center in the NBA and win 10 championships." Cap'n Douche

Is it just fun for Cap'n Douche to throw out ridiculous impossible things just for fun. Rashard Lewis is making 17.5 mill this year than 18.9, 20.5, 22.1, and 24 million dollars over the course of the next four seasons. He's untradeable.

Cap'n Douche is like the retarded radio caller that suggests the Yankees package Kei Igawa and Melky Cabrera for Albert Pujols.

Historical Douchelink: 12 Minutes Of Hell With Colin Cowherd [Fire Joe Morgan]

Dan Levy Will Work For Free To Save Philly From Cowherd

On Monday's On the DL Podcast, Dan Levy was so dismayed that Colin Cowherd's show was now going to be on in Philly that said he is willing to do a show pro bono instead:

Levy: Personally, well, if you’ve read this far, you know how I feel about Cowherd. So I sent an email to the GM at 950 and offered him my (our) services. For free. Yep, this is not some gimmick. I’ll do a show on 950 for free so the people don’t have to be subjected to Cowherd’s look-down-his-nose-at-the-listener drivel every day.

You would be doing God's work, Dan.

If I was the Giants I Would....

Darren Woodson on The Herd discussing the impact of not having Plaxico Burress on the Giants. Woodson was discussing how Plaxico's size and dynamic abilities force teams into double teaming him and makes running the offense easier for everyone, which eventually lead to Cap'n Douche's General Management suggestions.

"The Giants have a ton of depth. If I was the Giants GM I would go to the Lions and get Calvin Johnson. " Cap'n Douche

"Hahahah, you're not getting Calvin Johnson." Woodson

"I'd offer them one of my 32 running backs." Cap'n Douche

The sad part is that he was completely serious about the Giants getting Johnson, as if there is any chance in the world of the Lions giving up their only good player. Grade A Analysis there.

Colin Cowherd On Guns

Colin would like to classify people by what they shoot with their guns:

If you shoot animals, you are a hunter. If you shoot people, you are a criminal. If you shoot yourself, you are a moron.

Just to refresh:

Michael Vick = Hunter
Troops in Iraq = Criminals
Kurt Cobain = Moron

Colin might be great at spouting ridiculous hyperbole, but he's a fucking master of sweeping generalizations.

Zzzzzzzzzz.....

Sorry I just woke up... Is the Brandon Tierney debate with Al Trautwig over whether Golf is more popular than Hockey over yet?

Dem Video Games Be Bad Fo Kids...

In rattling off some of the greatest video games of all time, Brandon Tierney included Contra on the list. I couldn't agree more it's a terrific game. Then two seconds later he decided to get moronic.

"I've got a problem with today's video games. I wouldn't want my kids playing games where you're just supposed to shoot things."

Ah Contra, I remember enjoying it as game of terrific forest landscapes and those nice cuddly aliens. It had nothing to do with pushing the shoot button as fast as you possibly could.

Your Daily Helping Of Tiger Woods Hyperbole

This morning, Brandon Tierney said Tiger Woods was more impressive than Jordan, Gretsky or LeBron. He then dropped this line:

Tiger woods continues dwarf to what anyone else in sports does, or will do.

That's right folks, Brandon Tierney can see the future, and it's not that exciting, apparently. The Max Kellerman Show then rolled over in it's grave. He added:

The degree of difficulty in golf is so much higher than anything, ever... You could take someone out of the stands in a football game and tell them to throw a 20 yard spiral and they could do it. Then ask them to hit a 200 yard 5 iron on the pin. Not a chance.

Okay, but could they get to the quarterback around a 315 pound offensive tackle? Protect the QB from a 290lb missile rushing from the edge? Could they cover a wide receiver who runs a 4.4 40 yard dash? Could they throw a strike past Albert Puljos. Make contact against Mariano Rivera? Drive the lane on the Spurs defense?

Just because you suck at something doesn't mean it's the hardest thing in the world to do.

Historical Douchelink: Cap'n Douche on the Sean Taylor Passing [DCSportsBog]

Hey Mark Teixeira Have You Taken...

Yay for more than one dumb question.

"Hey Mark Teixeira Have You Taken the time to get to know Arod this spring training?" Cap'n Douche

"How does it feel to have hall of famers batting around you?" Cap'n Douche

Eventually...

"Well I played with Arod for a season in Texas..." Mark Teixeira

I know it must be terribly tough to research one of your biggest interview subjects and with your limited knowledge of baseball, it's obvious why the hell would you know that Teixeira and A-Rod were teammates for an entire season. Throw in the fact that A-Rod has been in camp for basically 3 1/2 days and you have the conconction of a wonderfully insightful question.

Historical Douchelink: Top 10 reasons Colin Cowherd is FANtastic [Sports Hernia]

Hey Jay Bilas What Did You Think...

"Hey Jay Bilas, what did you think about when you watched the Duke Villanova game last night?" Cap'n Douche

"Well, I was working so I didn't get a chance to watch it." Jay

Perhaps when you bring in someone to interview you could you know maybe remember that they were broadcasting a game at the same time on the same god damn network.

What is the Point of This Here Site?

The point is this, we spent 3 years listening to someone intelligently discussing New York Sports. We've been subjected to Colin Cowherd and Brandon Tierney for a little over two weeks now and our brains are melting. They say so many dumb things its mind numbing its like throwing your head in a microwave. Thus, this here site will be completely dedicated to three things.

1. Pointing out stupid things said by Colin Cowherd and Brandon Tierney. Most posts will be fantastically brief.

2. Linking to other intelligent people that make fun of Colin Cowherd or Brandon Tierney.

3. Mentioning how Max Kellerman is a superior being to either of his replacements.

That is all...