Just for good measure Cap'n Douche decided to close out his show with this.
"If I was the GM of the Orlando Magic I bring in Lebron James. If you could find a way to trade Rashard Lewis, you bring in Lebron. No state tax. Get Lebron."
"Why go to New York? I want to be a brand. [in his squeeky voice] Go to Orlando. Put the best player in the NBA with the best center in the NBA and win 10 championships." Cap'n Douche
Is it just fun for Cap'n Douche to throw out ridiculous impossible things just for fun. Rashard Lewis is making 17.5 mill this year than 18.9, 20.5, 22.1, and 24 million dollars over the course of the next four seasons. He's untradeable.
Cap'n Douche is like the retarded radio caller that suggests the Yankees package Kei Igawa and Melky Cabrera for Albert Pujols.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Dan Levy Will Work For Free To Save Philly From Cowherd
On Monday's On the DL Podcast, Dan Levy was so dismayed that Colin Cowherd's show was now going to be on in Philly that said he is willing to do a show pro bono instead:
Levy: Personally, well, if you’ve read this far, you know how I feel about Cowherd. So I sent an email to the GM at 950 and offered him my (our) services. For free. Yep, this is not some gimmick. I’ll do a show on 950 for free so the people don’t have to be subjected to Cowherd’s look-down-his-nose-at-the-listener drivel every day.
You would be doing God's work, Dan.
Levy: Personally, well, if you’ve read this far, you know how I feel about Cowherd. So I sent an email to the GM at 950 and offered him my (our) services. For free. Yep, this is not some gimmick. I’ll do a show on 950 for free so the people don’t have to be subjected to Cowherd’s look-down-his-nose-at-the-listener drivel every day.
You would be doing God's work, Dan.
If I was the Giants I Would....
Darren Woodson on The Herd discussing the impact of not having Plaxico Burress on the Giants. Woodson was discussing how Plaxico's size and dynamic abilities force teams into double teaming him and makes running the offense easier for everyone, which eventually lead to Cap'n Douche's General Management suggestions.
"The Giants have a ton of depth. If I was the Giants GM I would go to the Lions and get Calvin Johnson. " Cap'n Douche
"Hahahah, you're not getting Calvin Johnson." Woodson
"I'd offer them one of my 32 running backs." Cap'n Douche
The sad part is that he was completely serious about the Giants getting Johnson, as if there is any chance in the world of the Lions giving up their only good player. Grade A Analysis there.
"The Giants have a ton of depth. If I was the Giants GM I would go to the Lions and get Calvin Johnson. " Cap'n Douche
"Hahahah, you're not getting Calvin Johnson." Woodson
"I'd offer them one of my 32 running backs." Cap'n Douche
The sad part is that he was completely serious about the Giants getting Johnson, as if there is any chance in the world of the Lions giving up their only good player. Grade A Analysis there.
Colin Cowherd On Guns
Colin would like to classify people by what they shoot with their guns:
If you shoot animals, you are a hunter. If you shoot people, you are a criminal. If you shoot yourself, you are a moron.
Just to refresh:
Michael Vick = Hunter
Troops in Iraq = Criminals
Kurt Cobain = Moron
Colin might be great at spouting ridiculous hyperbole, but he's a fucking master of sweeping generalizations.
If you shoot animals, you are a hunter. If you shoot people, you are a criminal. If you shoot yourself, you are a moron.
Just to refresh:
Michael Vick = Hunter
Troops in Iraq = Criminals
Kurt Cobain = Moron
Colin might be great at spouting ridiculous hyperbole, but he's a fucking master of sweeping generalizations.
Zzzzzzzzzz.....
Sorry I just woke up... Is the Brandon Tierney debate with Al Trautwig over whether Golf is more popular than Hockey over yet?
Monday, March 30, 2009
Dem Video Games Be Bad Fo Kids...
In rattling off some of the greatest video games of all time, Brandon Tierney included Contra on the list. I couldn't agree more it's a terrific game. Then two seconds later he decided to get moronic.
"I've got a problem with today's video games. I wouldn't want my kids playing games where you're just supposed to shoot things."
Ah Contra, I remember enjoying it as game of terrific forest landscapes and those nice cuddly aliens. It had nothing to do with pushing the shoot button as fast as you possibly could.
"I've got a problem with today's video games. I wouldn't want my kids playing games where you're just supposed to shoot things."
Ah Contra, I remember enjoying it as game of terrific forest landscapes and those nice cuddly aliens. It had nothing to do with pushing the shoot button as fast as you possibly could.
Your Daily Helping Of Tiger Woods Hyperbole
This morning, Brandon Tierney said Tiger Woods was more impressive than Jordan, Gretsky or LeBron. He then dropped this line:
Tiger woods continues dwarf to what anyone else in sports does, or will do.
That's right folks, Brandon Tierney can see the future, and it's not that exciting, apparently. The Max Kellerman Show then rolled over in it's grave. He added:
The degree of difficulty in golf is so much higher than anything, ever... You could take someone out of the stands in a football game and tell them to throw a 20 yard spiral and they could do it. Then ask them to hit a 200 yard 5 iron on the pin. Not a chance.
Okay, but could they get to the quarterback around a 315 pound offensive tackle? Protect the QB from a 290lb missile rushing from the edge? Could they cover a wide receiver who runs a 4.4 40 yard dash? Could they throw a strike past Albert Puljos. Make contact against Mariano Rivera? Drive the lane on the Spurs defense?
Just because you suck at something doesn't mean it's the hardest thing in the world to do.
Tiger woods continues dwarf to what anyone else in sports does, or will do.
That's right folks, Brandon Tierney can see the future, and it's not that exciting, apparently. The Max Kellerman Show then rolled over in it's grave. He added:
The degree of difficulty in golf is so much higher than anything, ever... You could take someone out of the stands in a football game and tell them to throw a 20 yard spiral and they could do it. Then ask them to hit a 200 yard 5 iron on the pin. Not a chance.
Okay, but could they get to the quarterback around a 315 pound offensive tackle? Protect the QB from a 290lb missile rushing from the edge? Could they cover a wide receiver who runs a 4.4 40 yard dash? Could they throw a strike past Albert Puljos. Make contact against Mariano Rivera? Drive the lane on the Spurs defense?
Just because you suck at something doesn't mean it's the hardest thing in the world to do.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Hey Mark Teixeira Have You Taken...
Yay for more than one dumb question.
"Hey Mark Teixeira Have You Taken the time to get to know Arod this spring training?" Cap'n Douche
"How does it feel to have hall of famers batting around you?" Cap'n Douche
Eventually...
"Well I played with Arod for a season in Texas..." Mark Teixeira
I know it must be terribly tough to research one of your biggest interview subjects and with your limited knowledge of baseball, it's obvious why the hell would you know that Teixeira and A-Rod were teammates for an entire season. Throw in the fact that A-Rod has been in camp for basically 3 1/2 days and you have the conconction of a wonderfully insightful question.
"Hey Mark Teixeira Have You Taken the time to get to know Arod this spring training?" Cap'n Douche
"How does it feel to have hall of famers batting around you?" Cap'n Douche
Eventually...
"Well I played with Arod for a season in Texas..." Mark Teixeira
I know it must be terribly tough to research one of your biggest interview subjects and with your limited knowledge of baseball, it's obvious why the hell would you know that Teixeira and A-Rod were teammates for an entire season. Throw in the fact that A-Rod has been in camp for basically 3 1/2 days and you have the conconction of a wonderfully insightful question.
Hey Jay Bilas What Did You Think...
"Hey Jay Bilas, what did you think about when you watched the Duke Villanova game last night?" Cap'n Douche
"Well, I was working so I didn't get a chance to watch it." Jay
Perhaps when you bring in someone to interview you could you know maybe remember that they were broadcasting a game at the same time on the same god damn network.
"Well, I was working so I didn't get a chance to watch it." Jay
Perhaps when you bring in someone to interview you could you know maybe remember that they were broadcasting a game at the same time on the same god damn network.
What is the Point of This Here Site?
The point is this, we spent 3 years listening to someone intelligently discussing New York Sports. We've been subjected to Colin Cowherd and Brandon Tierney for a little over two weeks now and our brains are melting. They say so many dumb things its mind numbing its like throwing your head in a microwave. Thus, this here site will be completely dedicated to three things.
1. Pointing out stupid things said by Colin Cowherd and Brandon Tierney. Most posts will be fantastically brief.
2. Linking to other intelligent people that make fun of Colin Cowherd or Brandon Tierney.
3. Mentioning how Max Kellerman is a superior being to either of his replacements.
That is all...
1. Pointing out stupid things said by Colin Cowherd and Brandon Tierney. Most posts will be fantastically brief.
2. Linking to other intelligent people that make fun of Colin Cowherd or Brandon Tierney.
3. Mentioning how Max Kellerman is a superior being to either of his replacements.
That is all...
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